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Richard S. Beam

194     Thoughts for Thinking

1/13/2021

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​I guess that I’ve been in something of a retrospective sort of mood recently, probably due to the fact that there’s so little on television (including the news) which is worth watching.  Yes, I DO watch the news (from several sources) so I DO keep aware of what’s going on, but that doesn’t mean that I enjoy it, or take much pleasure from watching people insist that black is white and up is down because someone who will not be named said that’s how it was.  One of Nebraska’s (therefore my) members of the Senate stated the other day: "I think it's obvious that the president's conduct wasn't merely reckless and destructive. It was a flagrant dereliction of his duty to uphold and defend the Constitution." Then, he argued that he didn’t think impeachment was appropriate because it would just cause further division in the country.  That seems to me like suggesting that we should HAVE laws, but they shouldn’t be enforced because that upsets people.  And this Senator(?) has been the President of a University and is now a Member of the US Senate?  Is it any wonder that I am finding the world a bit confusing?  But I’m trying to avoid the total lack of reason, or logic, displayed by those who live in “Alt fact world,” so I won’t pursue THAT line of thinking any farther.
 
Anyway, I looked through my files the other day and came up with some things which I thought seemed weird enough to be worth thinking about.  Hence, here I offer some “Thoughts for Thinking,” in an attempt to provide some, perhaps pleasant, distraction from more serious matters.  I hope you’ll find them to be that.  
 
The other day, I ran across the notion that perpetual motion MIGHT be possible by strapping buttered toast to a cat’s back (butter side out) and tossing the cat into the air. Since the toast MUST land butter-side down, and the cat MUST land on its feet, what, therefore, MUST happen is that the assembled parts will rotate in such a way that the combination will spin forever, generating power.  OR gravity will, in fact, be suspended and the array will simply float in space through eternity.  Of course, I do NOT suggest that you try this experimentally.  I suspect the ASPCA would find it an inappropriate use of a feline in an experimental situation.
 
I was surprised not too long ago, when Bonnie, Maggi, Brian and I went to a carefully “socially-distanced” dinner in honor of Bonnie’s birthday at the Joslyn Castle here in town.  Now, given the location, it was, obviously, quite a fancy affair, one of a series of dinners they were sponsoring to attempt to maintain some income during the current pandemic.  This one was set up with Spanish-themed courses with appropriate wine, and properly themed "dinner music" was provided.  The music struck me as interesting because there was a cellist and an oboe player, which seemed a somewhat unusual choice of instrumentation and not exactly what one (at least I) would think of as particularly “Spanish.”  It also struck me, as we were being seated at our table, that the musicians would almost certainly play Ravel’s ­Bolero, in spite of the fact that it was written by a Frenchman. And, as luck would have it, I was correct, it was played, in a somewhat shortened version from the full orchestral piece, and I am pleased to note that it actually worked much better than I would have thought, given the instrumentation available.  In fact, I enjoyed it a lot, as did the rest of our party!
 
I was moved, a while ago, while seeking diversion from the news, to read The Ickabog, the book J. K. Rowling wrote for her children a good while back and which she released to the internet, then had published, fairly recently so that children could read it (or have it read to them) for some diversion during the current, rather depressing, times.  I confess that, while it was NOT aimed at the 70+ crowd, I enjoyed it a good deal, but it got me to thinking that perhaps, if we are lucky, all of us can learn to grow from the recent experiences of our world; and, OUR Ickaboggles will be bornded into a world of reason, equity, peace, justice, and tolerance.  If you don’t understand that thought, perhaps you should read the book, or, better yet, read it TO someone.  I think this idea just MIGHT be worth pursuing.
 
Like a lot of people, I suspect, I watched more than one version of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol over the recent holiday season.  So, when I saw this cartoon, I have to admit that it rather struck home:
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​As the new year got close, I encountered a list of Points to Ponder for the New Year.  Most of them seemed worth considering, so I offer some of them for your consideration.
 
Me: (Sobbing my heart out, eyes were swollen, nose red) ….  “I can’t see you anymore.  I am not going to let you hurt me like this again!”
Trainer: “It was a sit up.  You did one sit up.”
 
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
 
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
 
When I was a kid, I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.
 
Life is like a helicopter.  I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.
 
Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
 
It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.
 
Marriage counselor: “Your wife says you never buy her flowers.  Is that true?”
Him: “To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.”
 
Never sing in the shower!  Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked.  So, remember…Don’t sing in the shower!
 
During the middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies.  Does anyone know if there is anything planned when this one ends?
 
I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say “Wow,” that many times in your first session but there you are…
 
If 2020 was a math word-problem, it would read something like this: "If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?"
 
I see people about my age mountain climbing.  I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
 
We can all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to, “Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?”
 
So, if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
 
If you can’t think of a word, say, “I forgot the English word for it.”  That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.
 
I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
 
Coronacoaster (noun): The ups and downs of a pandemic.  One day you’re loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like.
 
Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you.  Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
 
I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
 
I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.
 
How many of us have looked around during a family reunion and thought, “Well, aren’t we just two clowns short of a circus?”
 
At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity?  As in: “That’s a load of 2020.” or “What in the 2020.”  or “Abso-2020-lutely.”
 
You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
 
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.  At least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
 
This is the day dogs have been waiting for.  They realize their owners can’t leave the house and they get them 24/7.  Dogs are rejoicing everywhere.  Cats, of the other hand, are contemplating suicide.
 
If you are trying to impress me with your vehicle it better be a food truck.
 
Who says rich people don’t have a sense of humor?  As evidence of the fact that some do, I offer the Ferrari Bakery.
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I suppose all these “thoughts” do, in fact, is prove that I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet, so, I’ll stop now.  

​I’ll probably be back in a couple of weeks, when, perhaps, I’ll have found my missing brain cells.
 
LLAP,
 
Dr. B
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193   A New Year - Getting Older #1

12/31/2020

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A new year!  Somehow, that always reminds me that “I ain’t as young as I used to was!”  Now, I’m more than willing to accept that that IS a perfectly normal state of affairs and, considering the alternative, is actually to be desired, at least as long as I’m having a good time, which I am, at least most of the time.  
 
Sure, I have my aches and pains and I can’t do all the stuff I used to when I was younger, although, thinking back on some of the things I DID when I was younger, I’m not sure that that must be viewed as a truly bad thing.  I still manage to enjoy myself most of the time and, if I discover I’m NOT enjoying myself, I can always take a nap (the height of pleasure).  After all, that’s the ONE thing one can ALWAYS enjoy!  But not until retirement, of course!
 
Anyway, I have a sub-folder in my “Waiting for a Blog Post” computer folder which is entitled “Getting Older” where I’ve filed interesting/amusing stuff touching on the subject (obviously) of getting older.  Here are some examples of a few of the things which I had stashed in that file.  There’s a lot more than I could possibly use in a single post, however, so I may do this again some time.
 
One of the things I’ve noticed about getting older is that some things have changed a good deal and there are now young folks” who simply can’t conceive of things we “olders” remember with ease.  As a case in point, I suspect that one has to be of a “certain age” to even know what this is a picture of, although anyone can probably figure it out.
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​Being a “city” boy, I didn’t have a lot of familiarity with the above on a regular basis, but I CAN certainly remember when highway rest stops weren’t much more than this!
 
Still, it’s not JUST such things which demonstrate the difference between an “older” and a “younger,” as I realized when I encountered this Thatababy cartoon in the paper not long ago.
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Oh, the “wonders" of modern technology!
 
In a similar fashion, when I saw THIS the other day, I had to stop and think about the idea that maybe, just maybe, there IS some virtue is being “older,” at least some of the time.  After all, unless one has really worked at it, age DOES tend to provide one with a background of knowledge and experience which can still be useful.
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Xmas having recently passed, makes me wonder how many remember when THIS was the height of Xmas fashion?  (Since I wrote this, Bonnie informed me that such things had been available this year, so they MAY be “coming back!”)  I confess that my only thought was WHY?
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I doubt that there are too many people under the age of 50 (60?) who remember the “Dick and Jane” early readers which my generation read (as I remember it) in early elementary school, probably First Grade.  But, when I saw this Shoe cartoon a while back, I found it wryly amusing.
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I know that we “older people” can be the source of amusement to the “youngers” who surround us.  I’ll even go so far as to admit that there, eventually, comes a time when it’s wise for us to accept the fact that we can’t do everything which we used to do, and probably shouldn’t try to do them anyway.  The recent situation with hospitals trying to get retired medical personnel to come back to work seems like it could have been a reasonable way to deal with a very dangerous situation, but it does, potentially, have some concerns related to it.
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On the other hand, it MIGHT be wise for “youngers” to consider this!
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One COULD even go so far as to point out to those who wish to put us “olders” on a shelf and let us rot, that it just MIGHT not be too wise to say that too loudly.  It just MIGHT be a better policy to remember:  ​
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It even MIGHT be true that, sometimes, we “older people” just MAY be capable of doing more than many folks, even other “olders” think we can do, as Earl told Edna in this Pickles cartoon.
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​You can just never really be sure about us “olders!”
 
On the other hand, New Year’s partying is something which Bonnie and I have never gotten into in a big way, although I have to agree that Blondie and Dagwood have a nice system worked out.  Of course, it means one has to set the alarm
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As the ARNOLD has said, “I’ll be back!”
 
LLAP,
 
Dr. B
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192     Holiday Greetings 2020

12/16/2020

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It seems as though another year has pretty much come and gone and we all (at least I) got a bit older.  There’s something special about this time of year, though, maybe it’s the colder weather, maybe it’s something else, but it seems to be a time which encourages us to think of old friends, old times, and the experiences of our lives.  I think that’s a good thing, whatever else may be going on.  So, as has become my custom, I’m including in this post the “Holiday Greeting” letter describing what the Beam family (and its various branches) has been up to this year which Bonnie and I enclose with the cards we send out.  I’ll be back about New Year’s, or shortly after, with more of the usual stuff, but I wanted my friends to have this, along with my Best Wishes of the Season and hopes for a Happy New Year.
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See you in a couple of weeks.
 
LLAP,
 
Dr. B
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191   Quasi Random Thoughts During a Pandemic 1

12/2/2020

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I keep running across various “pandemic” related stuff in the papers and online which amuse me, so I thought I’d share some of them in this post.  A pandemic, of course, isn’t at all funny, but one has to find humor wherever one can these days, or it could drive you crazy.  So, here’s a bit of a lighter side to our current situation.
 
I suspect that this little picture may sum up a lot of people’s thinking about the current state of affairs:
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Of course, there are SOME folks (high school upperclassmen, for example,) who figured out that, while COVID wasn’t pleasant, the general situation could be improved through engaging in some (frowned upon, but) traditional practices.
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Some of these “students:” even managed to make the needs of “COVID care” work to their advantage in.  For example, while studying Hamlet in English class:
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This, of course, never would have worked in a class of mine, but I suspect that some of my “students” might have been perfectly happy to try it.  Speaking of dramatic lit. class, did you ever stop to think how simply following safe practices might have changed history, even literature.  Take, for example Shakespeare’s Tragedies:
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Not ALL references to Shakespeare, during these times are quite so pointed, however, as witness what I consider the greatest face mask ever designed:
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This, of course, is the time of year which is usually FOOTBALL season.  Therefore, it’s the time when the state of Nebraska is determined to indulge in its usual cultish frenzy known as “Husker Mania” in spite of the fact that there is a pandemic raging, and the Nebraska football team has only won ONE of the five games it has actually played (the Big Ten season didn’t actually start until towards the end of October and Nebraska already has had one game cancelled due to COVID).  Still, in NEBRASKA, football is THE most important thing there is, of even greater importance than farm subsidies, selling soybeans to China, etc.  
 
Now, I’ve always enjoyed watching football, even served as manager and trainer for my high school’s state winning team.  I also have enjoyed watching the cheerleaders (who were friends of mine in high school).  On the other hand, I confess that my interest in sports has been reduced by the current pandemic.  See Zits below.
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We probably should acknowledge that the COVID pandemic is also going to throw some awkwardnesses and difficulties into the holiday season.  Think of all those department store/mall Santa Clauses, for example.  Their lives are going to be a good deal more complicated during these times.
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Also, as any regular reader of these postings would know, I collect various signs and stuff which strike me as amusing.  Here’s a pandemically-related one which I found a while back which I just can’t get out of my mind!
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Now, YOU try to forget that!  It's been an "ear worm" in my head for a couple of weeks.
 
LLAP,
 
Dr. B
 
 
P.S. This is NOT “pandemically related,” but I found it the other day and was moved to use it.  The late Ming Cho Lee, the famous designer and educator, is quoted as having said, “Being polite is the death of theater.”  I couldn’t agree more, especially in relation to educational theatre.  My way of phrasing it, as some might remember, always was, “If you don’t offend at least some people at least some of the time, you’re just not doing your job.”
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190     Thanksgiving 2020

11/18/2020

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Well, it’s almost time for Thanksgiving, the holiday when, traditionally, we all get together and engage in the usual family feuds over which football game to watch (assuming there are any this year), who expressed the most obnoxious political opinions at the dinner table, who overate the most, etc.  And, when it’s all over, a good time MAY have been had by all (but probably wasn’t).  The legend of the “perfect” Thanksgiving was probably portrayed most successfully by Norman Rockwell in 1943.  Here’s a copy of his Freedom From Want from his series called The Four Freedoms.
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Certainly, this is a very pleasant image, but for many people, that’s all it is.  There are still too many who are hungry and tired and don’t have adequate food, or shelter, let alone sufficient health care, and they are NOT all the “undeserving” poor as some seem to believe.  It MAY be true that the notion of “all men are created equal” is true in the eyes of the law and society, although it doesn’t really seem to work that way if one actually pays attention to the world around us.   One does not have to look very hard to realize that everyone is NOT considered to be of equal value to our society and/or is deserving of fair and equal treatment by all levels of our governments, no matter what we say in our “founding documents.”
 
The fact that we, as a society, have not always lived up to those ideals and expectations doesn’t alter the fact that we say we are supposed to practice what we preach.  But it IS in our power at least to make some effort in that direction, and that’s what I would wish for at Thanksgiving time.  We SAY that Thanksgiving is all about giving thanks that everyone is free from want, mistreatment, and injustice.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the real case.  Of course, one COULD argue that the whole premise of Thanksgiving has, largely, been pretense since its inception.  
 
The “First” Thanksgiving was a three-day Puritan festival in October of 1621, near the Plymouth colony in Massachusetts.  (That is, unless you accept the idea that it really was in 1607 (or possibly later?) in Virginia, as some Virginians claim.)  In any event, it was a quasi-religious celebration of the fact that some (mostly English) people had lived through crossing the Atlantic to North America; survived here for about a year and felt it necessary to give thanks for that fact.  It is believed that there were 90 “Native Americans,” and 53 surviving colonists present at that “first” Thanksgiving.  The natives were invited because they had provided assistance to the colonists, without which most believe (and believed) they would not have survived.
 
Now, I have to be grateful for the fact that John Alden and Priscilla Mullins had survived both the crossing and the first year of settlement at Plymouth.  The rest of the Mullins family hadn’t made it and John Alden, who had hired on as a member of the ship’s crew had decided to remain as a colonist.  John and Priscilla eventually married, and I am a descendent of theirs (but that’s a story for another time).  By the way, one of their children, also named John Alden, was accused of witchcraft during the Salem Witch Trial times, a number of years later, but he got away, unlike Martha Carrier, my 8th Great Grandmother, who has hanged during the Salem “Witch” Trials on Aug. 19, 1692.  But I digress, again.
 
Eventually, with assistance from the local “Native Americans” the colony became established and proceeded to expand into territory which placed it at odds with the “locals” who had helped them survive that first year.  What with the enhanced firepower of European weaponry and the importation of European disease, the impact on those “locals” was devastating, and numerous wars broke out and would become a major portion of the history of colonial (later American) expansion, not just in New England, but throughout the entirety of North America.  
 
Eventually, of course, the “Native Americans” would be confined to inadequate reservations on, generally, poor land and their way of life and languages would be largely destroyed.  Many of those people would be killed by accident, or through the “benevolence” of those of European heritage who felt it was their “right” to dominate them because they (the settlers) were “civilized” (by their standards), “educated” (by their standards), Caucasians of European (dominantly British at first) extraction and, therefore, it was “God’s will” that they run the world as they were superior to others by virtue of their own self-defined superiority.  This “right” also justified the capture and importation of slaves from among the “inferior” peoples of the world to do much of the manual labor which was needed to support the “superior” class.  Since such people weren’t OF that class, they could (and were) merely seen as property, not as “real” people, at all.  It’s important to note that such ideas were not just limited to the southern colonies, as all too many “Yankees” would have you believe today.  No, slaves existed even among the Puritans of New England, at least for a period of time.
 
Still, I am thankful at Thanksgiving that some of that group of colonists would eventually become “enlightened” enough to wish to throw off the reins of “Royal England” and establish the United States.  (Note: this process is, properly defined as “Treason,” but history is always written by the winners, so we now call it “patriotism” and those people “The Founding Fathers.”)  In doing so, they created some of the most amazingly idealistic and wonderful documents ever conceived, at least in my opinion.  (As literature, I would suggest that they are clearly “Romantic,” although quite early for that movement.) Those documents were an attempt to establish an idealistically democratic system of government of a nature previously unheard of in human history.  They didn’t do too bad a job in writing them, according to their understanding of reality at that time.  And they do read very nicely.
 
Unfortunately, their notion of reality did not provide for the idea that men who didn’t own property, women, or those humans who were owned as property should have rights, as they were not considered “people” who could be trusted with the rights of citizenship. That exalted rank should be confined to those capable of understand how to use those powers “properly.”  In other words, they were not civilized, educated, male, Caucasians of European extraction.  I confess that I’m not very surprised by this, as that was, in fact, the accepted notion of reality at the time, at least by those with the power to run things.  
 
I hasten to state that I don’t think this is how things should be viewed today, but I also don’t believe that we should discard the good things these people said (or did), because they don’t seem to have held up to be the God-like creatures we have tried to make them into in our American mythology.  No, they were, of course, simply human beings trying to move forward towards what they believed would be a more desirable future for all people, as they understand the concept of “people” to be.  Unfortunately for their memory, the general definition of what constitutes “people” has changed a bit in 200 years.  I don’t think that’s their fault, just the fact that our view of the world has changed, or at least we SAY it has.
 
My thinking about these things was stimulated by the controversy over the removal of the names of the “great generals of the Confederacy” (which some have referred to as “our heritage”), from military installations and their statues from public parks, etc., because they defended slavery, which most of us now suggest was not a good thing.  I would suggest that removing those names and statues might well be appropriate but doing that is more correctly justified because they committed treason against the United States than just because of their opinions about slavery.  (See Article III, Section 3 of the U.S. Constitution.)  After all, rightly, or wrongly, slavery was accepted in the original version of the Constitution.  We should not deny the reality of our history, but “honoring” those defined as treasonous to their oath to the Constitution makes no sense whatsoever.  
 
I’m also intrigued by the idea that there are some who say that the “original intent” of the Constitution, applying the understanding of it at the time of its writing, should be honored in all cases.  I find it amusing that some (especially women and Blacks) of those who support this notion would choose to do so, as the “original intent” clearly would not provide for them to be citizens, let alone on the Supreme Court where that idea comes most clearly into play.  That’s an entirely different point, however, as I think even those folks would argue that the definition of Treason is pretty clear.  “Honoring” treason by anyone at any time seems inappropriate, at best.
 
To get back to Thanksgiving, I’m thankful that we, as a people, are capable of rethinking the ideas of the past and, at least occasionally, modifying our expectations to express our awareness of the idea that reality is not fixed, but can change in response to new (or reexamined) information.  I’m thankful for our Founding Fathers, whatever their faults.  They may not have always lived up to the ideals they espoused by the standards of today, but they expressed them pretty well and gave us something to aim for.  I don’t think we can claim to live up to them completely, ourselves, but I’m thankful that we try.
 
Even if you are not a devout believer in some external, divine power, however, I think that it’s still wise, every so often, to stop and consider that, as imperfect as the world (and we, its people) is, we have things which we can celebrate and be grateful for: family; friends; pets; life, itself.  COVID-19 may have made things harder at the moment, but all one has to do is to consider that there ARE people trying to make this a better, safer world for all of us to understand that there are things to be thankful for.
 
So, take a little time during this season, to sit quietly and consider what you can be thankful for.  It’s a pleasant exercise and is probably good for you.
 
I’m thankful for you.
 
LLAP,
 
Dr. B
 
P.S.  Putting your thanks into action by helping to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and shelter the destitute isn’t a bad idea as a way to SHOW your thankfulness.  Think about what you can do.  Most of us can do something.
 
P.P.S.  If you can’t do anything else, WEAR A MASK!  I’d prefer that your faith in medical advice from someone with just a B.S. in Econ didn’t cause me, or my loved ones to get sick and, possibly, die.  I will be thankful to you, if you consult with medical personnel.
 
P.P.P.S.  I also feel that I should point out that we should always be thankful for our families and friends.  They may drive us crazy at times, but they are still ours.  See this Dustin strip below:

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Happy Thanksgiving!            RSB
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189     English Language & Grammar Humor 1

11/4/2020

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Well, it's OVER!  This election has been VERY difficult for me.  Now the voting is complete, and the counting will soon be and, no matter how it comes out, it's time to get away from the political ads, name-calling and other assorted “whoop-de-doo” so we can focus on sanity and REAL life.  So, here goes....
 
I suppose that it’s partially inherited from my mother’s father who was a Professor of English, but I have always been interested in the intelligent use of the English language.  Yes, I certainly have used my share of slang and jargon (Jargon: the proper name for the language, especially the vocabulary, peculiar to a particular trade, profession, or group).  And, I have been known to use a fairly broad range of vulgarisms during my life. Of course, all of these sorts of things are, in fact, legitimate parts of a language, even if such “special” words may be frowned on by my wife and varying groups of the “language police.”
 
English is a language with roots which can be traced to much of Northern Europe, France, Rome and a wide variety of Celtic and other influences.  And, I should add, unlike French and some other languages, it has really never been successfully standardized, although people constantly do insist on trying to do so.  (Never completely successfully, I should note.)  Some suggest that this lack of standardization MAY be why it seems well-suited for poetry and other forms of linguistic invention. I think it's also why it is so easy to find (or make up) humor based on the foibles of the language. 
 
I got to thinking about this a few weeks ago when someone sent me some grammatical variations on the classic “A man walked into a bar” jokes.  This led me to look up “language humor” and I found that there is a good deal of it posted out there.  So, I thought I’d share some of what I found. I hope you enjoy it.  Who knows, you might even have some questions regarding some of them.  I’ll admit that I had to think about some.  Still, I think they're amusing, and I hope you will, too.  I've also included some grammar/language cards and signs because I found them funny.
 
An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
 
A dangling participle walks into a bar.  Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
 
A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
 
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
 
Two quotation marks walked into a "bar."
 
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
 
Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
 
A question mark walks into a bar?
 
A non sequitur walks into a bar.  In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
 
Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar.  The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
 
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

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Question:  Am I the only one who is offended by those tv commercials which feature comments from "Real people, not actors"?  I've known a lot of actors in my life and all of them at least seemed to be real people.
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At the risk of reverting to "professorial" mode, I include this.  I confess that I wish I had found it before I got so involved with editing BFA theses.  Had I done so; I would have included this (with a warning) in the syllabus materials for that class. 
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I do NOT suggest trying to copy this by typing it.  Computer “spell-checkers” do NOT like it.
 
There seems to be quite a lot of folks who have noticed that many people have difficulty with commas, and so they have posted amusing examples.  Here are some:
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Question:  When people talk about “an ask,” is it just a spelling error or is it some other form of ignorance?
 
One of my watchwords from my paper grading/thesis editing days was:
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Then, I saw this Non Sequitur cartoon which I thought funny.
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I thought it even funnier when I read one of the comments relating to this cartoon which said: "But they’ll still row, rho, roe at the homonym regatta."
 
Bonnie and I were watching something on the news recently when the reporter, referring to plans for opening schools, mentioned the idea that the desks needed to be spaced out in the classrooms to avoid spreading COVID. This got us to thinking about how the phrase "spaced out" has recently come to mean something quite different from what it did when we were in college.  That amused us a good deal, so I thought I'd include mention of this in this post.  Ah, the changes time brings to language.  
 
Here's another example from "Zits:"
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Maybe I'll do a post on language humor again sometime.  I've found it rather fun.  And, we can always use all the humor we can find.
 
In any event, I'll be back in a couple of weeks....
 
LLAP,
 
Dr. B
 
P.S.  I saw this the other day and couldn’t resist.  Okay, it COULD be considered political, by those with no sense of humor, but it gave me hysterics!
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