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Richard S. Beam

​172 Things the Theatre Taught me II

3/28/2020

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After the "Special Edition" of last weekend, my posting schedule is rather fouled up.  Since I posted IT out of the usual timeframe, it's thrown my "regular" cycle into disorder.  So, in order to satisfy my need for some sort of normalcy in this time of seemingly unending chaos by picking up on a comment I included in that oddball "Special Edition" and discussing a few more more of the things which the Theatre has taught me.  Some of these probably only apply to working in the Theatre, but some, I think, may have broader application.
 
One of my favorite professors (as an undergraduate) once said to me that a director can be wrong many times, but he/she always has to always be so with authority because nothing upsets a cast more than the director being "wishy-washy."  I think what Mr. Kinzer meant was that nothing is more destructive than to sense that your leader is thrashing around with no idea of how to approach fixing the problem.  Therefore, it's better (as a leader) to be positively incorrect several times, because that shows that you are at least actively dealing with the situation.  I think that works in most fields.  In, perhaps, simpler terms, a good director should say, "That (bit, business, line reading, whatever isn't right) just isn't working.  Next time, try it this way."  She/he should not stop after the first statement.  If the comment is worth making, it needs a conclusion.  Then, if THAT doesn't work, try the same thing with a different idea. 
 
Dean Robert Kherberg (Yes, if you didn't know it, the former Head of the Dept. of Music eventually became the Founding Dean of the College of Fine and Performing Arts at Western.) once suggested to me that "Not all pieces of music deserve to be played more than once."  That got me to thinking about how that idea might relate to the Theatre.  So, I thought about the many productions I have been involved with in some capacity.  What I came up with was:
Most scripts are probably worth doing once!
Some scripts are worth doing many times. 
Some scripts are best forgotten after a quick reading.

Think about it.  I suspect you'll agree with me.
 
Another thought of mine: Theatre is a TEAM sport!  Gordon Craig got it wrong.  (I do have to give Bonnie credit for inspiring this thought.)   This notion MAY be too subtle for some (although I think it's true).  If you don't understand my point, keep in mind that Gordon Craig was an advocate of the idea of the "Master Artist" and the "Ubermarionette."  That may help.  I think that's why I was always (still am) more enamored with the somewhat similar ideas/theories of Adolphe Appia, which have a greater emphasis the concept of production unity.
 
I used to express much the same idea in teaching by suggesting that the best script, the best cast, directed by the best director are still just a bunch of people stumbling around in the dark until somebody (a “techie”) turns on the lights.  We all need each other.
 
Some people have used Appia's ideas to justify a director or designer's "right" to "mold the material into their message."  They sometimes call this "conceptual" production. 

Now, the way I learned it; a "concept" was a common understanding-agreement of the intent of the production.  I'm afraid that many of the "big concept” pieces which I have encountered derive from someone trying to do the play THEY WANT to do, rather than the one the playwright wrote.  I would suggest that if you want to write the play, write the play!  At least admit that your production is "Adapted from a play by (whoever wrote the original)."  Don't force YOUR ideas into some playwright's work, because it might sell more tickets.  Even if it isn't a violation of copyright laws, it's dishonest thinking.
 
I firmly believe that, in order to achieve an even generally acceptable production, First, you read the play!  This sounds simple and obvious, but that's a good deal less obvious and more complicated than it seems at first glance.  Reading a play is MUCH more than just reading the words on the page or counting up how big your part is.  I wrote a whole book/pamphlet about what that phrase means and an approach to accomplishing it!  (If you are interested, I'll send you a copy, just let me know.)  Actually, reading a play is rarely, if ever, accomplished in one pass through the text and requires a good deal of dedication, at least if the script is worth paying any attention to.  On the other hand, spending the time and effort to actually read the play thoroughly before doing anything else with it, will tend to save much time and effort later in the production process.
 
Finally, thinking back on the days I spent in a touring repertory company while working on my Masters' degree, I think I should point out that: "There are few situations which cannot be improved by a nap."  Having made that statement, I should include the corollary to it, which is that: "A carpeted, raked, auditorium aisle can be a perfectly acceptable place for that nap, and can even be pretty comfortable."  (I speak from experience.)  I would suggest sleeping towards the side of the aisle to avoid traffic and that you lie with your head higher than your feet, but you can choose your own favorite position.
 
Mostly remember to "Break a leg!"  That's what theatre people do!  And, if you do it correctly, it doesn't even hurt.
 
LLAP
 
Dr. B
 
P.S.  There are other things the theatre taught me, but they can wait for later.  See you in a couple of weeks when I think I'll be back on my usual schedule.  RSB
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​SPECIAL EDITION - What the Theatre Taught Me About Surviving COVID-19

3/22/2020

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​​This "SPECIAL EDITION" is because I simply had to respond to the dangerous incompetence running rampant on both sides of the aisle in our government.  The Tasmanian Devil just HAD to get out!  (See post #167 in the archives.)  Anyway, I just HAD to get this off my chest, hence the unusual timing of this post.  I'll get back to the more usual material and schedule in a week, or so, provided that we still have anything resembling a functioning society.  RSB
 
Like at least most of you, I'm trying to cope with the impact of the COVID-19 coronavirus on my daily life.  Being "of an age," I'm supposed to be especially careful about "social distancing."  As I see it, that, basically, translates into "stay at home," "don't go out unless absolutely necessary," and "stay away from other people" as much as possible.  That's not too hard to do, although it's rather unexciting.  I'm reading a lot; watching more "news" than is good for me on TV; and, occasionally, just taking a nap.  Since I live with my wife, Bonnie, it's hard not to spend time with her.  So, we are not practicing "safe distancing" as neither of us is able to stay completely isolated from the other for a significant period of time.  Still, she has discouraged me from going to the grocery store with her, as I often did; the Y is closed, so we can't go to our Aquacise classes.  Bars, restaurants, and all of the museums, etc., in town are closed; as is the public library.  Most stores (other than groceries and pharmacies) are also closed; so, life isn't terribly active at the moment.  And, since one doesn't need an up-to-date, fashionable wardrobe to sit inside your own house, or even on your porch, there's little need to get upset that one can't go shopping in the closed stores and malls.
 
Anyway, the other night, as I was going to sleep, I got to thinking about my recent blog post on "Surviving My "Divorce" (#170, dated 3/13).  That got me to thinking about why I wasn't as upset about the whole COVID-19 thing as some of the people on the news seemed to think I was supposed to be.  Now, I DO make an effort to try to be fairly well informed and I am concerned about national and international problems.  But, if all of these other people are running around in circles about this COVID thing (at least those who aren't convinced that it's a Chinese Democrat plot to overthrow our PRESIDENT) why am I not more upset about this than I seem to be?  I decided that it must have something to do with what Bonnie insists was my "first wife."
 
That led to a whole new category of thoughts: "Things the Theatre Taught Me."  By that I mean that spending my life in the Theatre taught me a great deal more than just how to built a flat; or design and construct a variety of fake fireplaces: or light an actor, even a number of actors, with some degree of effectiveness; or consider the emotional impact of the color of that light used to do that, or a wall paint color; or provide some familiarity with how we think the theatre came into being and how it got to where it is today; or how to arrive at some sort of judgement as to how a good play might be constructed (and how to figure out if this example fits those criteria). It also taught me some things about working with other people; planning and executing a sales campaign; planning a season of productions; trying to figure out how to do a lot with very little; and a whole bunch of other stuff, some of which apply to things other than theatre.
 
One of those "other things" is the principle that: 
                 Stress can be avoided by accepting that there are things which can NOT be
                 controlled, at least by you.  So, it makes little sense to waste your time and
                 energy trying to control them.  Only worry about things you can actually do 
                 something about.
 
I'll be the first to admit that this can take some effort, as it's very easy to worry about everything.  But that is a fairly sure way to accomplish nothing.  One can certainly make suggestions, but if it's not your job, just stay out of the way of those whose responsibility it is so that they can handle it.  Of course, that implies that the tools to deal with the problem are available.
 
Anyone who has done anything in the theatre, especially in tech theatre, knows that it's a business where one often has to get a number of things accomplished within a specific timeframe.  This leads me back to COVID-19.  After all, it's a complex problem which seems to need to be dealt with as promptly as possible.
 
An important notion which I have heard many times when working in the theatre is: Time!  Money!  People!  If you have any two of these, you can accomplish quite a lot (some would say almost anything).  I think this is often considered to be a fundamental law, at least in Theatre.  Of course, it would be nice to have all three, but that is often not the case.
 
This suggests that for COVID-19 to be a "simple" fix, we really need: 1) a LOT of time; 2) a LOT of money to provide the resources to deal with this situation; and, 3) a LOT of people with experience in dealing with these sorts of situations.  We don't appear to have that.  
 
Time appears to be in short supply for a couple of reasons.  Since this disease has already killed several thousand people and may well kill a considerably greater number before it is no longer of real concern, TIME is, by most people's standards, in short supply, if we wish to reduce the number of deaths from this outbreak.  
 
The fact that a good deal of time was lost to Americans because the government neither seemed to wish to deal with this "foreign" problem, nor listened to the informed people who were suggesting as early as late last December that this was likely to become a problem fairly quickly, did nothing except to increase the problem. Nor was time saved by the general the lack of any sense of emergency preparedness for the possibility of a pandemic which, in retrospect, seems at least foolish, and, in the worst case, criminal.  After all, pandemics are as old as society.  To assume that another one would never come along makes no sense.
 
Money, of course, is, apparently, not a problem.  I find this surprising having grown up in a society where the constant mantra of one of many political "leaders" was than the most critical concern of the country was the National Debt and the tremendous damage that was being done to our security by increasing it and the need to "shut the government down" rather than even considering raising the debt ceiling.  I guess declaring bankruptcy and/or just defaulting was considered preferable to paying the bills our politicians (including some of those "anti-debt" folks) have run up or figuring out how to pay for what we need.  
 
I confess that I don't know, but I wonder if just "throwing money" at THIS problem is really likely to resolve it?  It doesn't seem likely to me.  Especially since there is a currency other than dollars which all too many of our "leaders" have been happy to spend on shoring up a foreign and economic policy built around the idea that permanent war is good for the economy because the American people will never run out of patience for the wars they keep getting us involved in, and for which they have no idea of what a settlement, let alone a "win," might look like.  BUT, they say, "We kept our commitment to 'Truth, Justice and the American Way'."  In case no one noticed, that's an old comic book slogan!
 
So, we are, finally, spending a lot of money, but a good deal of it is being spent to try to 1.) maintain industry and commerce (which doesn't resolve the medical problem), and 2.) create the ability to produce some of the products we need (hospitals, beds, medical supplies, PPE, etc.) which we don't have, and apparently don't have the capacity to produce in quantities sufficient to meet the demand.  My understanding is that the contract for the "six hundred million masks" that the government has "purchased" and is currently bragging about being "on the way," will to be delivered over the next YEAR AND A HALF!  Somehow, I don't think that that's going to solve the problem of their being needed to keep people alive in the next few weeks.  
 
So, what we are really saying is that spending money really only helps when it can be spent in a timely manner. Theatre people know this!  Having NO money for the first 5 weeks of a production cycle is NOT resolved by having a LOT of money during the last week.  YOU CAN'T HIRE A CAST, REHEARSE IT, DESIGN AND BUILD A SET AND COSTUMES, AND RENT A THEATRE DURING DRESS REHEARSALS!  A lot of money can speed things up only so much.  Edison spent about three years and tried thousands of different materials before he got anything like a truly practical electric lamp.  I don't think that just spending money is any guarantee of success in beating this virus.
 
This leaves people.  We do seem to have a reasonable supply of properly trained people around, but THEY DO NOT SEEM TO BE BEING ALLOWED TO MAKE APPROPRIATE DECISIONS!  When the political figures who have squandered the time because they don't like the "spin" and apparently, think that all they are responsible for is giving away taxpayer's money to "support the economy" won't allow the people who know something about this problem the authority to make intelligent, fact-based decisions, based on the science because it might not be "popular with the voters," are allowed to remain in charge, we are in trouble (with a CAPITAL "T").
 
Ask a Stage Manager if she/he has time to be polite or worry excessively about the "spin" when it's reported that the theatre is on fire during a tense moment of the second act.  I've been in a couple of potentially serious situations during productions, I think I know something about this topic.  Seconds count.  Stage Managers may have to make quick decisions based on the best information available and people who wish to survive better get out of their way.  There's a reason that a Stage Manager during production is compared to the "Master of a Ship at Sea" in Theatrical Law.  The description, as it was explained to me is "Sole Master Under God."  In the Theatre, there's no question, the SM is in charge!  Wouldn't it be nice if our political leaders showed a bit of the same sense of responsibility?  I was not raised in the Roman Catholic faith, but I still thank St. Genesius every so often for helping me get through a couple of tough spots when it was MY job to make the tough decisions.
 
This does NOT seem to be a time for us to rely on "politics as usual."  I think it's time for the politicians to get out of the way and let the people who MAY be able to deal with this situation, do so.
 
I still have hopes that I will LLAP.  But watching our "leaders" stumble around and worry about how their actions might affect their "numbers" doesn't give me much confidence that that's going to happen.  Perhaps we should elect some theatre people and get some of the lawyers and "business" people out of office.  Theatre people seem to be able to examine situations, arrive at conclusions, make decisions and accept responsibility for them.  I'm not sure our "leaders" are.  Do they just think this is some sort of "reality TV?"
 
Dr. B
 
P.S. I may revisit the idea of "Things the Theatre Taught Me" sometime, if I survive....  I think there are other things it's taught me which are worth thinking about.
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171     Theatre Humor

3/13/2020

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Having waxed all serious and philosophical about the Theatre in my last post, I've decided that I should demonstrate that there can be a less-than-serious side to Theatre People as well.  Now I'm not suggesting that I didn't mean what I said last time, just that there is more, in my estimation, to a life in the Theatre than just a serious dedication to attempting perfection (and not achieving it).  That may be (I think it is) a highly desirable focus for performance, but, if I am correct that Theatre is a lifestyle and a disease, then it's a good deal more complicated than just a pursuit of perfection.  This leaves a lot of room for some humor.
 
Theatre humor, of course, comes in many forms and makes fun of many of the "characters" one will find in virtually any theatre setting.  Having spent most of my time in Theatre working on the technical side of things, much of my collection of theatre humor is from the point of view of a "techie," but I think I am widely enough experienced to appreciate humor relating to most any aspect of Theatre.
 
Anyway, here are some examples which have amused me over the years, maybe you'll find them amusing, as well.
 
Many of us, especially those who have been in educational theatre, have, I suspect, had to deal with fund-raising due to the often rather severe limitations on funding for such "non-essential" activities as theatre.  Sports, of course, are much less "non-essential," but that's the way things are.  In any event, I found this cartoon from Foxtrot to be all too much like the truth.
Picture
​I may have used this in some previous post, but I think that there's still a great deal of truth in it.
 
A Theatre Dictionary
 
IN is down, DOWN is front,
OUT is up, UP is back,
OFF is out, ON is in,
RIGHT is left, LEFT is right.
A Drop shouldn’t and a
BLOCK AND FALL does neither.
A PROP doesn’t,
And a COVE has no water.
TRIPPING is okay.
A RUNNING CREW rarely gets anywhere.
A PURCHASE LINE will buy you nothing.
A TRAP will not catch anything.
STRIKE is work (in fact, lots of work),
And a GREEN ROOM, thankfully, usually isn’t.
Now, BREAK A LEG!
 
I don't know how many possible readers may have encountered any of the various parts of "The Techie Gospel."  I have run across several variant versions, and a variety of pieces.  One fairly common piece is referred to as "Proverbs."  As a Techie at heart, I find it amusing:
 
Proverbs
 
Behold, my son, here is wisdom. Pay heed to these words, and in the days of thy play, in the hours of thy performing, thou shalt not be caught short.  For truly, it is said, pay heed to the errors of others and you shall not make them yourself, and again, as we have been told from on old, to thine own self be true.
 
I. Give not unto the actor his props before his time, for as surely as the sun does rise in the 
            East and set in the West, he will lose or break them.
 
II. When told the placement of props by the Director, write not these things in ink upon thy 
            script for as surely as the winds blow, so shall he change his mind.
 
III. Speak not in large words to actors, for they are slow of thought and are easily confused.
 
IV. Speak not in the language of the techie to actors, for they are uninitiated, and will not 
            perceive thy meaning.
 
V. Tap not the head of a nail to drive it; but strike it firmly with thy strength.
 
VI. Keep holy the first performance, for afterwards you shall party.
 
VII. Keep holy the last performance, for afterwards you shall strike and then party.
 
VIII. Remember always that the TD is never wrong. If it appears that he is, then you 
            obviously misunderstood him the first time.
 
IX. Leave not the area of the stage during the play to go and talk with the actors, for as 
            surely as you do, you will be in danger of missing your cue and being summarily 
            executed or worse.
 
X. Beware of the actors during scene changes, for they are not like unto you and are blind in 
            the dark.
 
XI. Beware of actors when flying in walls, for they will stand and watch and get crushed.
 
XII. Take not thy cues before their time; but wait for the proper moment to do so.
 
XIII. Take pity on the actors, for in their roles they are as children, and must be led with 
            gentle kindness. Thus, endeavor to speak softly and not in anger.
 
XIV. Listen carefully to the instructions of the Director as to how he wants things done - then 
            do it the right way. In the days of thy work, he will see thy wisdom, give himself the 
            credit, and rejoice.
 
XV. And above all, get not carried away with the glow-tape, or thy stage will be like unto an 
            airport.
 
There is, of course, a great deal of other theatre humor.  For example, I don't know if anyone remembers, as I do, the many versions of the "How many (fill in some category of person) does it take to change a lightbulb?" jokes.  Here are some specifically addressed to various types of theatre folk:
 
How many Artistic Directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
            A: Does it have to be a lightbulb?
                   
How many Producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
            A: How many did it take last time?
            Alternate Answer: What's wrong with the old one?
                     
How many Lighting Designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
            A: After a long conference, it was decided to use several fresnels, an ellipsodal, warm      tones for a cozy atmosphere and a strobe to effect lightning striking in the background, for that stormy effect.  Also, several gobos will be used for tree patterns on the cyc.  What was the question again?
 
How many Executive Directors does it take to change a light bulb?
            A.  "What do they need light back there for?"
 
How many IATSE electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
            A: 20 - you got a problem with that?
 
How many Beam-trained college student crew members does it take to change a lightbulb?
            A. You don't change the light bulb, you replace the lamp!
 
How many volunteer crew members does it take to change a light bulb?
            A: One to collect every cliplight in existence backstage, one to cut a 3x3 sheet of gel into unusable pieces, one to search for the cabinet key, one to wander through the dressing rooms asking the actors if they need theirs...
 
How many Actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
            A:  Three. One to actually do it, and two more to discuss how they would have done it better.
 
How many theatre critics does it take to change a lightbulb?
            A.  All of them - 1 to be highly critical of the design elements, 1 to express contempt for the glow of the lamp, 1 to lambast the interpretation of wattage used, 1 to critique the performance of the bulb itself, 1 to recall superb lightbulbs of past seasons and lament how this one fails to  measure up, and all to join in the refrain reflecting on how they could build a better light bulb in their sleep.
 
How many dramaturgs does it take to change a lightbulb?
            A.  The lightbulb was invented by Thomas A. Edison and patented in 1880. A high- resistance carbonated filament encased in a vacuum tube is heated with electricity to the point where it will glow but not burn...
 
How many theatre students does it take to change a lightbulb?
            A.  Erm, what's the deadline, cos I may need an extension.
 
How many audience members does it take to change a light bulb?
            A.  Three. One to do it, one child to cry and another to say, "ROSE, HE'S CHANGING THE LIGHT BULB."
 
Having spent a great many years attempting to TEACH my students something about theatre, I was never sure if I was actually accomplishing much.  When I found this cartoon, I began to understand why that might be the case.

            
Picture
 By way of closing, I decided that I would include the following (Also from some versions of "The Techie Gospel"):
 
                                                The Ten Tech Commandments
 
                        1 - Love thy gaff tape as thou would love thyself.
                        2 - Honor thy SM and thy director.
                        3 - Thou shalt not get caught in light.
                        4 - Thou shalt not talk louder than a whisper.
                        5 - Thou shalt not covet another tech's headset / torch / blacks.
                        6 - Thou shalt not drop things from fly tower / catwalk.
                        7 - Thou shalt not crave sustenance other than coffee and cigarette.
                        8 - Thou shalt not kill another techie. Actors not included.
                        9 - Thou shalt assist the actor when walking through the wings of darkness.
                        10 - Thou shalt be as God-like as possible - fast, quiet, efficient.
 
I have a lot more of this silliness, but I think that's quite enough for this time.  I MAY do this again at some point.   I should acknowledge that almost all of this I acquired by looking for theatre jokes and humor on the Internet.  Some of what I found is even less polite than what I have included, but I was trying to keep this at least reasonably socially acceptable.
 
In any event, "Break a Leg!" and
 
LLAP
 
Dr. B
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