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Richard S. Beam

204     On Getting Older

6/18/2021

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One of the things about having knee surgery, as I have had recently, is that it forces you to contemplate the reality that you aren’t as young as you used to be and there are things you used to do which are, if not impossible, at least are not particularly wise to assume are still realistic options.  Like, ladders, as a case in point.  I have no idea how many hours I’ve spent on ladders working in the theatre, but it’s been a lot.  I’ve even had several falls from ladders and other assorted “incidents.”  I will admit they were probably my own fault, and I don’t believe that any permanent damage was done.  (I’ll never know that for certain.) But while I am (more slowly than I would like) rebuilding strength and stamina in my “bad” knee, I find myself being glad that I don’t have to “play” on ladders anymore, as I am much more conscious of the reality of falling and how undesirable that is.  There are other examples, but that’s probably enough.
 
I find myself surprised that I’ve never done a post specifically related to observations about getting older.  I know I have touched on the subject from time to time, but, apparently, it’s never been the basis of a complete posting.  That being the case, in the light of my recent experiences with symptoms of aging, I thought I’d see what I could come up with.
 
I think what really precipitated this was that I was watching something on TV a while back and seeing an ad for AARP encouraging folks born in the mid 1960’s to join up right away.  That triggered the idea that you must be getting old when the AARP ads are aimed at people who were being born when you graduated from college.
 
Of course, the funny thing about getting older is that no one really feels older until they run into one of those “Aging Walls,” like all of a sudden realizing that you can’t do all of the things you used to when you were young (whether you should have been doing them or not).  Oh, well, here’s some of what I came up with.
 
There was this “sign” I saw a while back which I could easily identify with:
Picture
There’s also the fact that you got ONE print from the developer and the negative, requiring the better part of a week if you wanted a copy to share.  (The digital age isn’t ALL bad!)
 
I am forced to admit that this Between Friends really struck home to me:
Picture
​There are LOTS of signs that you may be getting older, but this list struck me as having some pretty good ones.
 
Signs you are getting older:
 
1. You don't hold in your stomach when someone young and attractive enters the room.
 
2. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
 
3. You are proud of your lawn mower.
 
4. Your friend is dating someone half his age, but not breaking the law.
 
5. You can sing along with elevator music.
 
6. Someone calls your house at 9 pm, and asks, 'Did I wake you up?
 
There’s also the fact that every so often you have a “flashback” to your childhood, like this reference in Shoe from a couple of years ago:
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Something like that can bring back LOTS of other memories of our past, which may well not be appreciated by “youngsters.”  
 
There ARE other signs of age, of course.  The entire concept of getting “high” takes on an entirely different meaning as you age.
Picture
I suspect that most of us have things we can look back on from our “younger” years with a certain amount of sneaky pleasure.  This is merely one possibility, but probably applies to those who grew up in a more rural environment more than to “city-dwellers.”
Picture
I will admit that there ARE some advantages to be an “older.”  Chief among them is retirement.  Retirement is that phase of life when one can say with some real sense of truth that:
 
Q. When is a retiree's bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Q. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it might take all day.

Q. What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
A. There is not enough time to get everything done.

Q. Why don't retirees mind being called senior citizens?
A. The term comes with a 10% discount.

Q. Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
A. Tied shoes.

Q. Why do retirees count pennies?
A. They are the only ones who have the time.

Q. What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
A. NUTS!

Q. Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
A. They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Q. What do retirees call a long lunch?
A. Normal

Q. What is the best way to describe retirement?
A. The never-ending Coffee Break.

Q. What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
A. If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
 
Q. Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
A. He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
 
While I’m glad to have lived as long as I have, I confess that I do, on occasion, wonder how much things have changed for the better.  After all,

 
Picture
Are we REALLY that much better off with 37 flavors, 96 vitamins and minerals and “non-caloric” sweeteners all packed in plastic bottles?  It’s worth thinking about.
 
I do have to admit that I have considerable sympathy for this notion of Garfield’s:

Picture
​Unfortunately, not being a cartoon, I can’t avoid getting older.  So, while I may be old, I ain’t dead yet and I still have plans to LLAP.
 
I’ll be back,
 
The OLD guy,
 
Dr. B
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