Since it’s almost Valentine’s Day, I got to thinking about that, which led to this post. First, one should know that there was a saint by the name of Valentine, but there may have been more than one – it’s not positively established. Anyway, there was a martyr during the days of the early Roman church by the name of Valentine. Around the time of Chaucer (late 1300’s/early 1400’s) the Feast day of St. Valentine (Feb. 14) became associated with romantic love. In fact, however, that date had previously been a part of the Lupercalia, a fertility festival during Ancient Roman times. (NOTE: According to Shakespeare, it was during this festival that Caesar’s return to Rome was being celebrated in Act I, scenes 1&2 of Julius Caesar.)
It is, of course, certainly possible that this “Saint’s Day” was simply another case of the church “Christianizing” an earlier, pagan celebration, but we’ll probably never know for sure. (Anyone want to volunteer to do the research?) In any event, it’s now a day for “sweethearts” to pledge their eternal love, etc. Anyway, I figured some romantic advice, especially for lovelorn MALE readers, might be appropriate. I won’t pretend that I made up this stuff, I found it in a variety of sources. That’s not really surprising, I suppose, as romantic advice, or even just advice relating to male-female relationships, is NOT my long suit. Women have always confused me as much as most other guys. In any event, here’s some “advice” regarding relationships with the women, for whatever it’s worth.
"If any of you are thinking of getting married, you might wish to consider the following:
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring. On the other hand, you don’t.
"When a woman tells a man, “Do whatever you want.” Do NOT do whatever you want!
"No man has EVER won a game of “notice anything different about me?” Don’t even try.
If asked this, one MIGHT get away by simply suggesting, 'What have you done to yourself? You look even more beautiful than usual.' This is NOT guaranteed to work, however."
I suspect that part of the difficulty men and women have is that they really don’t speak the same language. For example:
Definitions – Female vs. Male
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a cup.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by - product of indigestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Perhaps of even greater significance than the terms listed above, at least for male survival, however, are:
It is, of course, certainly possible that this “Saint’s Day” was simply another case of the church “Christianizing” an earlier, pagan celebration, but we’ll probably never know for sure. (Anyone want to volunteer to do the research?) In any event, it’s now a day for “sweethearts” to pledge their eternal love, etc. Anyway, I figured some romantic advice, especially for lovelorn MALE readers, might be appropriate. I won’t pretend that I made up this stuff, I found it in a variety of sources. That’s not really surprising, I suppose, as romantic advice, or even just advice relating to male-female relationships, is NOT my long suit. Women have always confused me as much as most other guys. In any event, here’s some “advice” regarding relationships with the women, for whatever it’s worth.
"If any of you are thinking of getting married, you might wish to consider the following:
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring. On the other hand, you don’t.
"When a woman tells a man, “Do whatever you want.” Do NOT do whatever you want!
"No man has EVER won a game of “notice anything different about me?” Don’t even try.
If asked this, one MIGHT get away by simply suggesting, 'What have you done to yourself? You look even more beautiful than usual.' This is NOT guaranteed to work, however."
I suspect that part of the difficulty men and women have is that they really don’t speak the same language. For example:
Definitions – Female vs. Male
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a cup.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by - product of indigestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Perhaps of even greater significance than the terms listed above, at least for male survival, however, are:
The rules for getting along in a relationship (especially marriage) are complicated and are difficult to learn (particularly for men). One can only hope that the male’s ability to figure them out improves with time. See below:
Some folks seem to be able to do better than others…
On the other hand, I don’t think any man ever really feels confident that he has them ALL figured out.
And heaven MAY forgive the man who finds this picture too funny, for his “better half” probably never will…
On the other hand, I confess that I am VERY glad that a good many years ago Bonnie decided that
Happy Valentine’s Day to all (and Good Luck to the guys)!
LLAP
Dr. B
LLAP
Dr. B
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