I still follow Stage Directions magazine online because, even though I am no longer actively involved in theatre production, I find some articles to be of interest and old habits just plain don’t die quickly. In any event, recently I noticed the existence of “Q2Q comics,” a three-times weekly comic strip which is by, for and about theatre people, specifically “techies.”
Anyway, I got a chuckle out of the one strip which I saw in Stage Directions, so I looked up their web site at: http://q2qcomics.com to see if I could find more. I was please to find their entire archive available for viewing on their web site. Here’s an example of one of the early strips:
Speaking of laughs, while looking over the Q2Q strips, it occurred to me that I had never done a posting of theatre humor, so I thought I would do one. I actually got these a few years ago from the Oxford University Dramatic Society’s web site, but I’ve seen all of them before in other places and (sometimes) in slightly different forms. I think they rank among the best of theatre humor, but if someone has other favorites, please send them along, I’d love to hear (read) them.
In is down, down is front
Out is up, up is back
Off is out, on is in
And of course – Left is right and right is left
A drop shouldn’t and a Block and fall does neither
A prop doesn’t and
A cove has no water
Tripping is OK
A running crew rarely gets anywhere
A purchase line buys you nothing
A trap will not catch anything
A gridiron has nothing to do with football
Strike is work (In fact a lot of work)
And a green room, thank god, usually isn’t
Now that you’re fully versed in Theatrical terms, Break a leg.
But not really.
Techies in Heaven -- The perfect Blackout
A Stagehand and a Lighting Designer stood under the same falling truss, and both were killed. They arrived in heaven together (all techies go to heaven…), and at the pearly gates, St. Peter shook their hands and asked for their last wishes. The LD was the quickest of the two, and said, “In all my life, I’ve never seen a perfect blackout. Could you please turn off all the lights for just one second?”
St. Peter said that it might be difficult, but he turned on his headset and asked God if he could take down the grand master for a second. Fortunately, God was in the mood that day, due to enough coffee at the light-console, so he tapped the DBO (dead blackout, for those who might not know the term) key. It went completely dark, there was no spill from the blues, exit signs, ASM desk, music stands, not even a glow from a lighting board monitor. It lasted for 4 seconds. When the lights came up again, St. Peter was gone and the pearly gates had been struck.
The perfect show?
A famous director, having died of late, arrives at the Pearly Gates. He is greeted by St. Peter, who is delighted to see him.
Peter: Great! We were waiting for you! God’s producing a show, and we need a director.
Director: No, no, no! I am done! I have been directing for thirty years and I want to rest. Eternally. Get someone else.
Peter: But you don’t understand. We have a script by Shakespeare.
Director: Sounds great… I’ll see it opening night. I won’t do it.
Peter: Our set design is a collaborative effort between Leonardo da Vinci and M.C. Escher.
Director: Well, I really do need some time off. Maybe next time.
Peter: It’s a Bach score! C’mon, you’ve got to do it!
Director: You tempt me, Peter…
Peter: Here’s the clincher. You’ve got an open budget, a tech crew known for getting stuff in early, and all the audition material you could dream of.
Director: Okay, okay. I’ll do it. Where’s the stage manager?
Peter: Over there. But first, there is something I have to tell you. You see, God’s got a girlfriend, like, and she sings…
A Stage Manager, a Sound Technician and a Lighting Designer find a bottle in a corner of the theatre. One of them rubs it and a genie pops out.
“Since you all found me,” he says, “you each get one wish.”
The Sound Technician steps up and says, “I’d like a million dollars and three beautiful women.” POOF! - The Sound Tech is gone.
The Lighting Designer steps up and says, “Well, if he can have that, I’d like TEN million dollars, and my own personal island with fifteen beautiful women!” POOF! The Lighting Designer is gone.
The Stage Manager steps up and says, “I’d like them both back in ten minutes.”
That’s probably enough for this time. Maybe I’ll do this again sometime.