As I get about, I try to make note of odd things which I encounter in daily life. These can be signs of various types, billboards, odd stuff on TV, almost anything which makes me laugh (or at least chuckle). Here are a few examples which caught my attention:
I saw a sign for the Renovation church and it made me wonder if the pastor worked for HGTV.
I saw a sign on a semi-trailer advertising that it was hauling Sara Lee treats. Then I saw the ID which said the trailer’s owner was “Bimbo Bakeries,” based out of Bellevue, NE. When I looked it up, I discovered that it’s perfectly legitimate, but I did make me wonder about what kind of a girl Sara Lee was?
I saw a sign on a farmer’s shed a number of years ago advertising “Naked Live Bait.” Tickles the imagination, doesn’t it?
I saw an advertisement for “farm to table Irish Cream liqueur, which struck me as possible, but unexpected.
Saw an ad on TV (apparently for some place in Las Vegas) promoting their “Topless pancakes” with a picture of two stacks shaped quite suspiciously. (see below)
Then there’s the Harley Davidson store in Paducah, KY which is decorated up to look like a riverboat. (see poor picture below)
I talked to a homeless man recently and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. "I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no... I was paroled."
IS honesty the best policy…?
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Jerry had carved “I love you, Sally.”
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!
Jerry said, “We've got to give it back.”
Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”
Sally said, “No.”
Jerry said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”
Sally said, “Don't believe him, he’s getting senile.”
The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.
One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”
Jerry said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday....”
The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!”
Baptists Don’t Drink!
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walked into a bar and ordered three mugs of Budweiser. He sat in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished them, he came back to the bar and ordered three more.
The bartender approached and told the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time...”
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So, I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admitted that this is a nice custom, and left it there. The cowboy became a regular in the bar, and always drank the same way. He ordered three mugs and drank them in turn.
One day, he came in and only ordered two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he came back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”
The cowboy looked quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawned in his eyes and he laughed. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explained, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.” "Hasn't affected my brothers though...."
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. I am told that these sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services. (Bonnie, the grand-daughter of a minister, insists most of these were old when her father was young.)
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
Ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the main Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Our next song is: "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
I plan to deal with something a bit more serious in a week, or two. I have some ideas, but that would be telling, wouldn’t it?