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Richard S. Beam

314 Let’s have a few laughs!

7/23/2025

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It struck me that several of my recent posts have been on topics which were a bit more serious than I have usually focused on.  That MAY be because my progress towards recovery from my recent surgery has been longer and less comfortable than I had hoped, which has meant that life has been a bit more complicated than I would have wished for the past few weeks.  Then, a couple of weeks ago, I had an “incident” which led to my spending a couple of nights in the hospital as they tried to figure out what was going on.  

It seems I had developed an infection related (somehow) to the surgery I had in mid-May which had slowed down and complicated my recovery.  After a couple of days dealing with doctors, hospital, etc., things seem to be getting under control by mid-July.  Unfortunately, this had delayed my Post of July 9ish.  Anyway, I believe I am continuing to make progress, although ALL of my doctors seem to want to make sure I’m doing okay (i.e. I’m not going to sue them), and that I AM recovering (have recovered).  I expect that I will be back to pretty near “normal” (whatever THAT means?) in fairly short order.

Anyway, since I’m feeling pretty good, I decided to look through my files and do THIS post based on some of the (hopefully) amusing pictures, cartoons and funny lines that I’ve collected.  I think it’s going to be fun, and I hope you enjoy it, too.  So, here goes….

I often enjoy the emailed ads of one of our Omaha-local businesses, which consists of a great seafood shop, several casual seafood restaurants, and a really nice breakfast/lunch place.  Anyway, one of their employees, Greg, frequently includes a few of what he calls “Greg’s Groaners” in these ads.  They often include a variety of amusing statements, odd lines to make you think, or other “funny” stuff.  In any case, I find them enjoyable, so I thought I’d include some of them.  

Here’s a couple of fairly recent ones to start things off:

(Greg:) If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me very attractive.

I expect that this could well be considered a completely true statement, but I still think it’s amusing.

(Greg:) I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you. 

Somehow, that thought seemed especially appropriate just after the Fourth of July.

Speaking of holidays and hot weather, how about an amusing Christmas Story picture?
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Now THAT’s a major award!  I know that that reference requires SOME previous knowledge, but I figure that it would take a bit of work to find too many people who wouldn’t “get” it pretty quickly.  If you didn’t understand the reference, just go on, (if you dare) there’s more silliness ahead.

Since it’s after the Fourth, the stores have all started pushing their “Back to SCHOOL” sales, etc., which reminds me that I don’t have to worry about that sort of thing too much anymore.  Unfortunately, it also reminds me of some of the frustrations of teaching, which were a part of my life for many, many years.  When I saw this picture, somehow all of the headaches of grading papers came roaring back.  They didn’t last long, but they DID come back, nonetheless.
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More from Greg:

This one isn’t actually true (at least for me), but I WAS reminded of the various people who come knocking on the door to try to sell me a new roof, lawn service, save my soul (for whichever church is coming around this week), etc.

(Greg:) Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water. 

Along the same lines, I am frequently annoyed by robocalls for various “charities,” political donations, and other scams.  Many (most) of these are rather obviously just a machine going through a list of phone numbers and are unlikely to ever actually connect you to a living person.  One can often tell it’s a “robocall” by the delay in getting a response when you pick up the phone.  Eventually, there’s a “click,” followed by the, generally obviously, recorded voice doing its sales pitch.  I am hesitant to consider this process as having much to do with “artificial intelligence,” although some people do seem to think it’s related.  If it, in fact, IS related, I wonder if this AI stuff is ever going to be what some people think it will be, which makes Greg’s point (below) significant.
​ 
(Greg:) Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 

This AI stuff is going to have to get a whole lot better than it seems to be, if Greg’s observation isn’t going to make it a failing proposition.  After all as Greg says:

(Greg:) He who laughs last thinks slowest. 

He also says (and I agree with him):

(Greg:) Take my advice, I'm not using it.   

Of course, one does wonder occasionally:

(Greg:) Ever stop to think and forget to start again?   

I suspect that Greg might be somewhat younger than I, but I certainly don’t know that.  I suspect that almost every male can have some sympathy?; understanding?; recognition? of THIS statement.  (Come to think of it, there just MIGHT be a lot of females who will understand it better than a lot of men might think!)
Picture
 The person driving the truck above might have one of these things in his yard, too.
Picture
You do have to admit that this MIGHT actually work as a bird feeder, although I suspect that there are MANY sorts of critters besides birds who might also get a nibble.  And there are some folks who might find it a bit odd and/or offensive.

Greg often waxes into what some might consider to be the philosophical, with thought-provoking comments like:

(Greg:) I'm great at multi-tasking: I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. 


and
    
(Greg:) If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. 


I admit that most of Greg’s comments seem to be primarily aimed at men, who probably deserve them.  However, Greg also has comments which seem to be more applicable to (and for) the females of the species.  Here’s a couple of examples:

(Greg:) Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. 
    
(Greg:) Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking. 
​

 I confess that I suspect there may be more truth to these observations than most men would like to admit.

While this year’s “tax season” has come and gone, but with all the recent political debate about the government’s plans for taxes, I feel I might well include this Non Sequitur cartoon which relates to such things.  It also makes me happy that I am married to an accountant’s daughter, who does our taxes (which pleases me greatly).
Picture
To head towards a conclusion (Thankfully, muttered my readers), I wish to include this bit of wisdom from Greg.

(Greg:) Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were. 

I am quite convinced that most (perhaps ALL of us can sympathize with THAT statement from time to time.

As a final word from Greg, here’s something to keep you awake tonight:

(Greg:) Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?​

I suppose that I should include one, final, VERY personal picture/statement.  I don’t really expect this to ever actually happen, but:
Picture
I suspect I’ll be back again in a couple of weeks with something else to dither and blabber about.  I hope this hasn’t driven any readers off, I like thinking that there are people who might get a few minutes pleasure from my drivel.  

As I look at my calendar, I see that my next post should be my occasional commentary related to the hanging of my ancestor, Martha Carrier, by the “good people” of Salem, in the Massachusetts colony, in 1692, just about 333 years ago.  While this, obviously, isn’t an event I wish to celebrate, I think it’s an important reminder that (in spite of what some folks would like have us believe) the true heritage of the US is filled with both good and not so good actions performed by our ancestors, who were neither just sinners nor saints.  I have a few ideas I’d like to discuss in relation to this pretty remarkable woman and her family, which I am honored to be a (small) part of.  Anyway, I expect that I’ll be back and I hope you will be, too.

🖖🏼 LLAP,

Dr. B
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